I was emailing Ben this morning and told him we have given ourselves a label as "The Mind Changers." Maybe it should be "The Can't Stick With One Decision People," or "Listen To The Right Choice The First Timers." Hopefully all this will make sense once you read on.
I have been having trouble with the decision to go back to school. The timing with everything is such a stumbling block. With a music major, the schedule is not very flexible. I have band every day of the week until 11:50, which was making it impossible to be home or pick up Carter when he is done with school.
I would also have to get my kids out of bed at 6:00 in the morning on Mondays and Wednesdays because I have an 8:00 class that isn't offered at any other time. This schedule would continue in the Spring semester of next year also. I feel like that would not be benefiting them, and that would mean me getting up at 5:00!
There would also be the time issue when marching and pep band starts. It's a requirement of everyone in the band to participate in marching band and pep band. With Ben gone during the week that would mean more time someone else would be watching my kids. Everyone has been so nice to volunteer their time, I just hate to see it happening more and more for something that doesn't have to happen.
Not to mention the practice time needed to be done at the school. I would have an assigned room and time to practice and if I didn't get it done there, I would have to do it at home, which may or may not happen on any given day. I want my kids to see me enjoy going to school, not to NOT see me because I'm not there enough.
So I can't stop thinking that the decision to go to school, albeit a good one, is not the right one. I want to go so badly! It's something I've always wanted and I loved when I attended before we moved to Vancouver, but things have changed. Ben is gone, we now have three kids to look after, and the timing just seems all wrong. But I HATE changing my mind like this. I worry about what everyone else will think. I worry that everyone will be rolling their eyes in the back of their heads and saying, "Well, that's just Missy." It's really not. This is not something I've done by the seat of my pants! It's been given thought and consideration and personal revelation, the latter of which I really didn't want to listen to. Thank goodness for Ben and his listening spirit. He told me to let go of my "inner Willard" (sorry, Dad) and listen to the spirit. I was supposed to teach the lesson this upcoming Sunday, but it's on The Holy Ghost and Ben really wanted to teach it. I told him I would swap him for our last Sunday in this ward, without looking at what the lesson was. Want to know what it was? Try Recognizing Personal Revelation. No kidding. Look it up on the website.
I just wanted to share this with all of you because I want to know what all of you think about it. My mom and Tonia and Jeanne have all been so willing to help out with the boys while I was getting my schedule ready for next year. Thank you so much! It helps me to hear what others have to say, whether it's what I want to hear or not. Thanks for reading my saga.
4 comments:
Have you looked at other programs or classes that you could try this year and that might have more flexibility? I found that I had a good experience coming back from my mission at taking a variety of classes that somewhat interested me so I could see if there was something else I wanted to pursue. General education credits for example are offered all over the place and that might be something to try out. Just a thought so you don't have to give up completely.
If you still really want to persue a college education, maybe start off just taking one or two classes at a time, maybe some generals (as Abe mentioned) that fit into your schedule as a mom. Just a thought...
One more thing - don't worry about what others think of you. It is really none of their business. Besides, those who really love you will support you no matter what you choose to do. :)
Abe and Julie - Thanks for your support everybody. This has been a tough decision, but one that I am finally happy to make.
I know it is just best for me to wait to go to school. I did think about just taking some generals this year. But the feeling I got when I thought about going to school, whether full time or part time, was completely opposite of the feeling I had when I thought about not going. One felt so wrong and the other felt so good.
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